


On the Surface

by xtinct



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, Anderberry Siblings, Angst, Autistic Blaine, Autistic Blaine Anderson, Blaine Anderson & Rachel Berry Are Siblings, Canon Jewish Character, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Jewish Character, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, autistic author
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:12:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24221119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xtinct/pseuds/xtinct
Summary: The problem with being Rachel Berry’s autistic little brother is that that’s kind of all you are. Like, for the rest of your life.-In which Blaine was autistic all along, there is a healthy dose of linguistics, and the author needs to be told to stop projecting.on hiatus bc fuck college
Relationships: Blaine Anderson & Sebastian Smythe, Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Rachel Berry & Kurt Hummel
Comments: 15
Kudos: 35





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is I, your friendly neighbourhood autistic, here to give the world the most beautiful headcanon ever: autistic Blaine. Of course I kid, but in reality I love the idea. I saw a lot of myself in DC’s portrayal of Blaine and even now watching his Instagram lives, a lot of Darren’s mannerisms remind me of myself. (This isn’t me armchair diagnosing Darren Criss, just explaining why I’m writing this.)
> 
> Also, a lot of fics featuring autistic characters aren’t written by actually autistic authors themselves. At the end of each chapter, I’ll try to explain something pertinent to do with autism or the autistic community. Enjoy :)

The problem with not talking until the age of five is that it’s not /actually/ normal. 

Blaine only found that out when he started talking. There were tears and rugelach and Rachel singing songs- whether in celebration or just to bring the attention back to her. 

It wasn’t like he just started talking out of nowhere. He’d been trying all along but no one got it. Turned out that not everyone could understand the specific language he’d composed in his head. 

And so started the Something Wrong. With that came occupational therapists, monthly psychiatrist visits, and Dr Smythe. 

(Though if you asked Blaine, he’d say that in hindsight, the Something Wrong technically began when he was two. His dads got his hearing tested because he didn’t respond to anyone, not even Rachel complaining her little brother was boring.)

The Something Wrong gradually evolved into just a Something and by the time Blaine had gotten to the age of seven, that. He wasn’t Blaine with a Something who did his work under his desk sometimes, he was autistic. Blaine too, but also autistic. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing really to explain here. I will note for all the Rachel fans that she won’t seem like a nice person at first, but her role as minor antagonist is just to exemplify how different family relationships can be when you’re autistic. To all the Rachel stans, I promise your girl will get a redemption arc!


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to put it out there now, the family last name is Anderson-Berry and they all use it but sometimes Rachel clings to just Berry. Again, she might seem like a bitch but a lot of the conflict ideas in this chapter (and this fic as a whole) have come from personal experience. The only difference is that my little brother is also autistic so we clashed bc of that. However I have other siblings so I get how it can be for neurotypicals (as much as an autistic person can :/)
> 
> Also, cw for use of the slur r*tard - it is used by Blaine talking about himself, so for those of you who won’t want to see the self-deprecation: when LeRoy enters the room, you’ll want to skip to the end of the chapter. I’ll explain what you missed at the bottom!

“You said no musical instruments at the dining table last week, daddy.”

Blaine winced as Rachel spoke up, glancing between her and their fathers before letting his eyes drop back to his lap. His lap where his viola and bow currently lay.

“Last week was different, honey.You weren’t exactly playing...the best we know you can and it was disrupting Blaine’s meal.”

Blaine looked up again at the mention of his name, withdrawing a little when he met one of Rachel’s patented scathing glares.

“Blaine’s violin is disrupting my meal.” the older girl shot back.

Sighing quietly, Blaine finished his current mouthful and wiped his hands on his shirt a few times before standing. “It’s a viola,” he huffed. “And I’m going to bed.” he announced as he exited the room, knocking his chair back a little too loudly which only earned him another glare.

While he was used to Rachel picking on certain differences of his, it had never left him so exhausted before. Exhaustion was the exact opposite of what he needed on the night before a big day. Once in his room, Blaine shut the door and the curtains with a flourish. His bow was placed in its case carefully but the viola remained with him as he faceplanted rather ungracefully onto his bed, fingers curled around the neck of the instrument. 

* * *

And there he stayed until he was woken up by the shifting of weight on his bed. Blaine forced his eyes open with a frown, but felt awake a lot quicker when he realized it was Rachel sitting on his bed. He stretched his limbs out with a groan, back cracking as he sat up a little bit, head turned to face her.

“Are you mad at me?” she asked with a guilty look in her eyes. Then again, Rachel had a way of doing that, of putting on emotions she wasn’t actually feeling in the moment. She had a way of doing lots of things, whereas Blaine couldn't even get himself to talk then. He hesitated before plucking the C string of his viola.

“What?! Why are you mad at me? I didn’t do anything that bad. I think it’s my responsibility to point out double standards.” 

Blaine lifted his head and sent his older sister a look, plucking the C string more pointedly that time. It had been the same code for way too many years now and somehow Rachel still managed to forget that C meant no and the A string meant yes. C was lowest and low rhymes with no. What was so difficult about that?

A lot, apparently.

“Oh...okay, that’s good. I’m sorry for upsetting you then. Are we good?” Not giving him enough time to answer, Blaine just sat still as Rachel continued. “Anyway, I came to wake you so you wouldn’t mess your sleep schedule up. Are you excited for tomorrow?”

Sometimes Blaine questioned how they were related. Okay, technically there was a small chance they weren’t, since the surrogates were different, but that wasn’t the point. The point was how the hell would she expect him to be excited over starting at a new school? He didn’t even get excited for Passover and that was his favorite holiday. 

“I’m taking your ever-present silence to mean ‘of course I’m excited Rachel, I cannot wait to spend the whole day in the presence of such talent’. Well, unfortunately, small one, we won’t share many classes. However I encourage you to sit with me at lunch. See you in the morning!”

Blaine sat up a little more as Rachel bounded out of the room, cradling his viola in his lap gently and turning to check the clock. Waking up- and feeling entirely awake- at 10pm probably wasn’t the worst thing he could’ve done, but it had certainly thrown him off.

All instruments were meant to be away by 9:30pm. That was another rule (created thanks to Blaine) so technically he was breaking it by still having Jeremiah out. So the viola was put carefully back into its case, and Blaine was left in the same position in bed as before— only instead of fiddling with the fine tuners, he was now picking at his nails.

They had a lot of rules. No instruments being played at dinner, instruments away by 9:30pm, family movie night once a week, and so on. And of course, Blaine was always best at following them, but that was more due to the fact he didn’t have anything else to do. Rachel had friends from school and he didn’t. Being openly gay at high school then having to finish the year online wasn’t very conducive to forming new friendships.

If Rachel could skip family movie night once in a while then he could break a rule too. That was fair.

After five more minutes of setting himself in motion, Blaine got up and sat at the stool for his drum kit. If you thought about it, the drums couldn’t go away in the first place. They just were. So really, he wasn’t even breaking a rule by playing them.

Still, it only took about two minutes of him repeatedly hitting the crash cymbal for Ab to come find him.

“Hey chamud, you’re lucky Dad’s still awake or he would’ve come rushing in here wanting to know what’s up with the noise. Mind keeping it down?”

Blaine turned to face his father, shaking his head in response. It wasn’t lying because he didn’t mind yet somehow it just felt...wrong.

Clearly it was obvious enough for LeRoy to notice, as he pulled a chair up next to the stool. Blaine was in his lap as soon as the man sat down, curling into his neck with a heavy sigh.

“Oh, Blaine...what are we going to do with you, huh?”

Blaine smiled as he felt the arms around him tighten. “...Send me to another public school to get beat up again?”

The low chuckle didn’t exactly make him think that was the right answer.

“You know McKinley will be different, honey bee.”

“How d’you know?”

“Well, you think Rachel can be annoying, yes?”

Blaine looked up, eyebrow raised as he met his dad’s gaze fleetingly as if to ask ‘really?’

“And you still think you got bullied for being so annoying, which you are not, my love. Nevertheless, surely Rachel would’ve been through the same trouble as you if McKinley were as bad as Robinson?”

“...Rachel’s a girl though, Ab. ‘S different.” Blaine didn’t need to look up to know he was getting a look in return. He didn’t know where it came from but then suddenly words just fell out of his mouth. “Girls can be annoying because boys find it cute. Boys can be a little weird as long as they’re attractive since girls find it nice. But I don’t like girls and they don’t like me, so I’m just annoying full stop and people think I’m- I’m- I’m a /retard/ because of it.”

The lingering silence made Blaine look up at the man’s face, watching his father. “You look sad.”

“I’m just sad you don’t see yourself for how brilliant you are, kid. But you look tired and Dad’s gonna come searching for me if I’m not in bed soon.”

Blaine stood with a yawn, lying back down on top of his covers carefully and heaving a sigh as he looked back at the man. “Night, Ab.”

“Sleep well, Blaine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you skipped because of the slur, welcome back! Blaine was panicking about starting a new school with his dad after alluding to what happened at his Sadie Hawkins dance and used it in reference to himself.  
> -  
> I shoved a lot in here huh? I’m actually proud of what I’m writing for once so like, I hope you all like it too. Now for the infodump-y stuff i planned:  
> 1\. A lot of autistic people speak late and a lot of autistic people will grow up semi- or non-verbal. The best way to get around this is absolutely not to force them to speak but instead offer alternatives such as sign or AAC, which stands for augmentative and alternative communication. For reasons which i won’t get into (because spoilers!), Blaine doesn’t have this level of support but he did indeed shutdown a little bit and go non-verbal following the dinner.  
> 2\. His viola is named Jeremiah because he’s one of my favourite animal crossing villagers and i just thought it’d be funny to include that because of canon Jeremiah. Also, he plays the viola because i just found the idea of rachel purposefully calling it a violin entertaining.  
> 3\. The hugging scene was partly introduced to be obnoxious on my part. A lot of people have it in their head that autistic people refuse physical contact and sure, that can be true for some of us. but autism is just a like a different processing system in our brains (e.g. windows vs mac in computers) so just like everyone else, none of us are the same. So I just put in blaine getting tight hugs to try and challenge that while also making him soft lmao.  
> 4\. Ab/Av/Abba is the transliteration of the Hebrew word for dad. Chamud is the transliteration for the word cute, but it’s often used as a term of endearment by Jewish parents to their children. I’m not Jewish myself but one of my close friends is. If anyone Jewish ever wants to correct me on anything, then you’ve got the power babey. 
> 
> pls comment so i’m not just sending this into the void and getting hated on by the twitter gleeks without knowing...


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the response for the last chapter :) i'm glad people are actually interested in this and reading my info dumps, hopefully y'all can learn something about autistic people while also falling in love with my blaine. onto the warnings for this chapter!  
> 1\. the r-slur features again smh @ bullies- skip from when blaine is in maths to the end of the chapter because (this brings us to number 2)  
> 2\. there is an allusion to some stimming which can be interpreted as self-injurious, this is also in maths  
> 2\. sp*z and its derivations also come pretty heavily in this chapter during gym class! i will as always summarise at the end.
> 
> obligatory pls comment uwu

“I thought you were driving me to school today?”

“Yeah, _you._ Not you and your surgically-attached violin.”

Blaine huffed indignantly, holding Jeremiah’s case closer to his chest. Sometimes Rachel really was the strange one out of the two of them. “I tell you at least twice a day that he’s a viola and his name is Jeremiah, Rach. Having him with me will make sure today is a good day.”

His beaming smile didn’t falter even when Rachel looked at him like he was missing the point of a joke, once again. She laughed softly and shook her head. “Blaine. What’s the plan with Jeremiah today?”

It was his turn to give Rachel a look then. He hadn’t perfected it the way she had, mostly because of the whole, well, eye contact thing, but he was pretty sure she understood what it meant by now. “Well, obviously I’m going to join the orchestra.”

“McKinley doesn’t have an orchestra, Bee.”

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “Oh. Um, um, um, what?”

“We can barely fund the glee club. Are you sure you don’t just want to go put it back inside?”

Blaine wrung his hands together agitatedly, glancing out of the window to see their dads, yep, still standing on the front porch. He knew they’d probably expected some sort of disruption what with it being a big first day, but did they have to stand there watching? First day photos were bad enough, especially considering he’d managed to weasel out of them every year since fifth grade, but this was somehow worse. He felt like he was in a zoo.

“Jeremiah is coming. He’s gonna help me stay safe. Promise.”

Clearly that wasn’t the right answer, but no amount of trademarked Looks were going to stop him today. He was pretty sure he’d be close to a meltdown already if the viola wasn’t in the car with him. Rachel’s car air freshener reeked of fake flowers.

Thankfully, the drive to school was a non-event. No unexpected traffic, no accidents (which really was a miracle with how Rachel drove), and no singalongs. The occasional kerb jump was pretty much part of the routine when in Rachel’s car so all in all, Blaine wasn’t going to complain.

Then again, they hadn’t actually gotten to school yet. Sure, he’d been for a couple shows and had a tour over the summer, but seeing the school so full of people was a whole different story.

A quick rap on the window brought Blaine out of his thoughts, and he snapped back into reality with a quick smile in Rachel’s general direction. It didn’t really seem to appease her so he grabbed his backpack as quickly as he could and got out of the car. He couldn’t exactly avoid it any longer but wow. High school was loud.

“We’re in different homerooms so I guess you’ll be okay once I’ve walked you to your locker, right?” Rachel walked off as soon as she could, talking over her shoulder. It left Blaine struggling to catch up with her long strides, barely keeping hold of the viola while he tried to do up the chest strap on his backpack. “Also, a word of advice. You know the thing you do with your hands? Don’t do that. And don’t hum when people you don’t know come near you.”

“Wait, how am I meant to not do that?” Blaine swallowed thickly as he glanced down at his hands. He was fine for now considering how his arms were laden down, but he’d spent years re-learning how to stim. Stopping now was easier said than done.

“Blaine, just— you’ll figure it out. This is your locker.”

* * *

First period. Pre-calculus with a Mr Price. Blaine wasn’t loving it.

The teacher smelled like old person and he made Blaine come up to the front of the classroom to introduce himself. Spoiler alert: it didn’t go well.

“Well. Um. My name is Blai- well, I guess he already said that. I’m new. I really like music, especially writing music, that’s something I’m super good at. One time at Westerville, I actually wrote an entire musical for my semester project and it was super cool, so that’s something. Oh, and-“

“Thank you, Mr Anderson-Berry, you may return to your seat.”

With red spots high on his cheeks, Blaine clamped his mouth shut and hurried back to his desk. In hindsight, he probably should’ve scripted some sort of basic introduction last night. He’d blame Rachel for it later.

The class was a little boring other than that. Blaine didn’t necessarily suck at math but it definitely wasn’t his strong suit. There were just so many more interesting things to think about rather than integration and differentiation. How nice his lunch was going to be, his music class later, and— ouch.

A paper ball had hit him in the back of the head. Blaine flinched as it dropped onto his desk, brows furrowed. He shifted nervously, eyes low as he turned to the vague direction it came from. A boy in a red jacket gestured loosely toward the paper so Blaine nodded jerkily, picking up the paper and flattening it out to read the writing on it.

_Are you retarded or something?_

It took him a couple moments to process what had been written, but when he had, Blaine didn’t know what to do. Was it that obvious from one introduction? He needed to slow his breathing down, even he could notice it speeding up. He didn’t- he couldn’t leave the first class of the day, even he thought he’d make it past then. But he was pretty close to freaking out, probably already there.

Red crescent marks led all the way up his wrist- _had he done that?-_ and even wringing his hands tighter than usual wasn’t helping him then. Wait, was that him humming? Right, humming, don’t hum. Rachel said not to him, but Rachel wasn’t there then and who was calling him if it wasn’t Rachel?

“Mr Anderson-Berry. Are you quite finished?”

Lips slightly parted, Blaine lifted his head silently to face the front of the classroom. Eyes on him were never a good sign. He nodded promptly and let his eyes drop back to his notebook, prodding the note out of the way with the tip of his pen.

In hindsight, Blaine should’ve taken first period as a warning for how the rest of the day would go. Third period gym was the killer. He’d always been slowest to get changed ever since elementary school and high school wasn’t any better. The same boy who’d thrown the note at him earlier being in his gym class and so far Blaine had spent a grand total of ten minutes getting changed in a cubicle.

“Anderson, you better get your ass out here or Beiste is gonna blow up on you.”

Yeah, things really hadn’t looked up since first period at all. Gym class sucked. If there was an official list of worst feelings in the world, being sweaty would be pretty high up there. Sweaty skin was tolerable at best, but when it started with his hair? No, that was pretty much hell personified. They’d been running laps for about ten minutes now and he could already feel his curls bouncing against the back of his neck. If they didn’t stop soon, Blaine was certainly going to be having a meltdown later.

Maybe if dads had to pick him up at lunch, they’d get him an iced coffee.

Once Coach Beiste called for the last lap, Blaine was close to last in the group. All but stumbling into the locker room, he headed back over to where he’d left Jeremiah and his clothes. Only Jeremiah wasn’t there- his gym bag was exactly where he’d left it but the viola was not.

It took a moment for Blaine to register that the cramp in his hands was because he was gripping them too tightly. He let go, swallowing around the lump in his throat and turning around.

“Dropped your violin, spaz?”

Spaz. Right, spaz was him, he was the spaz with the viola.

The broken viola. The viola currently on lying on the bench with its neck snapped off. That viola.

Blaine ran. He grabbed his gym bag and rushed out of the changing room with an anguished whine. He still didn’t know his way around the school yet but he couldn’t stay in there, not with the laughing and the ‘spaz’ and Jeremiah broken. Feet carrying him through empty hallways, Blaine finally gave up once he reached a dead end. The boy fell to the floor with a hum, squeezing himself into the tight space between the heater and the fire door.

What the _hell_ was he supposed to do now?

His brain answered that one for him. Blaine was somewhat aware that his humming was getting louder and he started to rock slowly with his knees hugged to his chest. He couldn’t do school, it just wasn’t for him, and that was okay. If he was still such a spaz then maybe he shouldn’t have even come back in the first place. Maybe dads would realise that even if he wasn’t himself when he went to Dr. Smythe, it was fine because no one ever wanted him to be himself. Right, Blaine nodded (and was he really agreeing with himself here?), he’d just run away from school.

“Are you okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summaries for those who skipped math class: Blaine got hit with a note calling him the r-slur and had a minor panic featuring lots of stimming. The stuff that could be viewed as hurting himself was that he dug his nails into his wrist and left deep red marks.  
> For those who skipped sp*z: after gym, Blaine found the neck of his viola snapped off. The culprit called him this and Blaine ran off in the midst of a meltdown, and then kind of referred to himself with it.  
> Now for our favourite...  
> Evan's Autism Corner (yes that is what I'm calling my little info thingy fight me)  
> 1\. A lot of repetitive behaviours (hand wringing, humming, rocking back and forth) feature in this chapter: this is stimming :) that's short for self-stimulation (which is a wanky name, i know) and everyone has stims. However, autistic people will stim to self-regulate. Some people may view stimming as undesirable or a sign that we're not paying attention but this is not the case. In fact, if I can't stim, then I struggle to focus on anything but my need to stim!  
> 2\. Comfort objects are real things and here, the viola acts as one for Blaine. For examples in real life though, I have a very ratty cushion that I physically cannot get to sleep without, even at my age.  
> 3\. Meltdowns are very hard to verbalise and even I don't think I can describe one properly since everyone experiences them differently. I will say that they feel like a total loss of control and are Not tantrums: tantrums are by choice, meltdowns are a last-resort response that we can't control.
> 
> I think that's everything! Hope you liked the little intruder at the end :) felt like being evil, please comment if there's anything you think I missed in my Autism Corner and see y'all soon


	4. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a longer chapter than usual since writing this is helping me keep my head above water right now. the world is a sad place and my heart hurts so i don't have much more to say other than that.
> 
> content warnings for this chapter include:  
> \- person-first language  
> \- heavy implications of blaine having been in aba (these will be addressed in the end notes and in future chapters)
> 
> general fun warnings:  
> \- kurt!  
> \- rachel stans she gets some redemption here  
> \- sebastian appears

“I asked if you were okay? Are you a freshman, are you lost?” ****

Right. The boy was asking him if he was okay. Blaine guessed it made sense, considering he was about an inch away from having a meltdown. See, if he had Jeremiah, then this whole situation would be so much easier. But now he was stuck with a boy talking to him and no way to answer.

When Blaine was little, he and Rachel went to the same drama class. It was probably more out of convenience than anything, since he never really came out of his shell and the teacher didn’t really know what to do with him. He was the outlier amongst the seven- and eight-year-old wannabe stars. Still, sometimes the axis shifted and Blaine was thrust into the center of their small universe. Mime week came around every year during the school breaks and he was the /best/. He didn’t have to try hard to hide his voice when it was lost as soon as his dads left the building. Pretending was basically in his blood, he pretended to know what Rachel meant every day.

High schools didn’t have mime weeks, but high schools probably had deaf kids every once in a while. Even if signing meant a cute boy thought Blaine couldn’t hear, he was going to have to do it. Looking up with red-rimmed eyes, Blaine shook his head gently and pointed two fingers to his throat.

“Oh! Well…I never met anyone deaf before- I guess this doesn’t make sense anyway- but I can spell things out for you? Wait, can you read my lips?” Chestnut Hair smiled, brows furrowed. Blaine nodded and looked up at him, eyes growing a little wider when the boy started fingerspelling. That was…unexpected. Not necessarily bad though, just new.

Everything today had been new though, so what was the harm with one more?

Blaine smiled as the boy spelled his name out, nodding to show he’d gotten it. Kurt. Kurt was a pretty name. Kurt was pretty though, so that made sense too. His signing was delicate and controlled, maybe a little slow, but much more composed than Blaine’s jerky movements.

“Blaine, huh? Well, Blaine, if you show me your schedule, I could probably get you to where you’re going. If not, I’m pretty sure Pillsbury is still doing her freshman advi-“

“Kurt, what are you doing down here? Oh, Blaine, I was so worried!”

Blaine barely suppressed a small laugh, looking down to hide the slight grin. Rachel didn’t sound very worried. He wasn’t even sure how she’d know about him leaving like that.

“Wait, Blaine as in…the Blaine related to _this_?” Kurt questioned. And, yeah, Blaine did snort a little then. Ab was right about people finding Rachel annoying.

“Yes, Kurt, this is _my_ little brother and he has _autism_ , okay? So you need to leave him alone or he’ll have a…look, he’ll freak out, okay?”

Blaine wondered whether Rachel actually listened to any of the talks they had when they were younger. Or not so younger, maybe, considering how much he’d repeated during one of the family meetings before he stopped seeing Dr. Smythe. He put on his best stern face and spelled out ‘autistic’, getting up when Rachel gestured for him to stand. Blaine smiled at Kurt briefly before he let his eyes drop to the floor again. He picked up his gym bag and thrust the straps out for Rachel to grab. Perhaps it was being a little too petty, but he was in a bad mood and she wasn’t helping.

“I have to take him home, so I guess that means you have to tell Mr Schue why I’m not in glee this afternoon. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Bye!” Rachel beamed, smile unfailing even when Blaine shook her hand from his. He wasn’t a dog who needed a lead, so he didn’t get why she always insisted on holding his hand. As they walked (or practically marched in Rachel’s case) out to the parking lot, Blaine stayed two steps behind, kicking the pebbles in his path. It was scuffing the toes of his shoes but he wasn’t really in the position to care. Blaine got into the front and watched as Rachel put his bag in the backseat, chewing at his lip.

“So, will you tell me what that was about?”

The minutes of silence that followed were more than likely the most awkward Blaine had ever witnessed…and he’d been the cause for a lot of awkward silences in his life. He reached for the main console from where he’d curled up in the passenger seat, just about to turn the radio on when Rachel stopped him. Blaine swallowed thickly around the lip in his throat, searching for words a little desperately now.

“I…miss Sebastian.”

Okay, so they weren’t exactly the words he was reaching for, but some words were better than none, he guessed.

“Last I heard, you and dads hated Sebastian. Plus that still doesn’t explain why you went from gym to hiding out in a hallway with my friend.”

If he had more words, Blaine probably could’ve come up with a funny comeback for that. But he couldn’t, instead just sighing, “I don’t hate him but I can’t tell if I like him. It’s…it’s like I miss him in a general…person-y, companion, presence way. Not in a friend way. I think.”

Rachel hummed softly; whether in agreement or acknowledgement, Blaine couldn’t tell. He hummed too, glancing at her in the rear view mirror. Sometimes, it was really hard trying to figure out what went on in his sister’s head, yet there was probably a similar argument to be made for him.

“Okay, so call him.”

“What?”

“Call Sebastian, you have his number, don’t you? You were best friends for, like, a stupid amount of years, it’s not like he won’t remember you.”

“I can’t do phone calls.” Blaine shook his head immediately, twisting the fabric of his shirt up between his fingers. “I’m bad and I don’t get when I’m meant to talk.”

“Okay, then I’ll call him and you talk to me in person. See? Problem solved.”

Before he even realised they’d parked up, Blaine’s door was being opened and Rachel’s phone thrust into his hands. “C’mon, out and grab your bag. I’ll tell Daddy we’re spending the rest of the day at home.”

“I- okay? I don’t need your phone, though.” He trailed behind aimlessly, confused frown on his face- it felt like confused was becoming his default expression lately, and Rachel’s kindness wasn’t helping. “Have it. Take it back.”

“Only if you call him now, then. I need to see you fix your problem, and this is a pretty easy one to fix, Bee.”

Sighing, Blaine resigned himself to having to do this. He still couldn’t tell what exactly the deal was with Rachel trying to help but she clearly wasn’t giving up so early. He dropped his bag at the bottom of the stairs and rushed up them two at a time. If he was calling Sebastian, he definitely wasn’t having his _sister_ in the room while it happened. That was pretty much one of the first rules that stuck in his head, mostly due to Rachel herself enforcing it when they were kids. Hell, she was still pretty strict on it now, which explained why he’d never met Kurt before when he was in glee with Rachel.

“Blaine! If you don’t call him, so help me I will-!” Blaine managed to shut his door tight before Rachel got to finish that threat, sighing softly. He slinked over to his bed, grabbing his laptop from his desk and pulling up the contacts. Phone calls were evil but video calls were at least manageable. If anything, he could see whether or not he was doing a good job. He bit his lip as he clicked on the boy’s contact- the photo was still the same as it had always been. Even after everything, Blaine couldn’t bring himself to get rid of their fifth grade school picture. Was that shitty? Maybe he could at least update, he’d have to ask Sebastian when he-

“Hey, Killer **.”** ****

And that was Sebastian, effortlessly flustering Blaine as usual, even after breaks in their calls.

“Hi, Bas.” Blaine replied quietly, unable to hide his small smile. He shuffled back on his bed until he’d crammed himself into the corner where two walls met.

The thing with Sebastian was that he never said what he meant, he showed it. But what he meant was also never what he wanted to say either. That was one of Blaine’s questions in his last therapy session, when Dr. Smythe was on his last nerve and so her son was too. Asking why she tried to fix kids like him when Sebastian couldn’t talk to people probably wasn’t one of his finest moments, but Blaine was kind of sure they were both over it.

“So, you called first for once. Pretty damn spontaneous of you, babe. Mom won’t be too cool if you’re cheating on her with some other doctor, y’know.”

Now Blaine was by no means an expert on how neurotypicals usually spoke (and honestly, did he want to be? Seemed like a lot of work.), but he got how Sebastian spoke. It was weird but it worked, even if some days it felt like his own mind was taunting him more than Seb’s sentences did. He nodded reluctantly, “Rachel made me.”

Sebastian ‘ahhh’d softly, stroking his chin like he was in some sort of sleep thought. “Say no more. She still rocking the monobrow?” the boy cocked an eyebrow lazily.

“You haven’t even seen her since...”

“Since the bar mitzvah from hell?”

Blaine shifted, biting at his thumbnail. “You always go there. I told you to quit calling it that, it’s annoying.” The quick snort he was met with only made him sink a little further back into the wall, nerves bubbling up inside of him.

“You’re forgetting something, babe. My sole purpose in life is to do that. What reason is there to live other than dishing out hot takes on the lines of the Anderson-Berry clan?”

“Advice..? I don’t know, I just kind of missed this! Your presence is, y’know, a little bit reassuring when you’re being nice-rude instead of…bitchy-rude."

Sebastian’s lips curled up into a small smile, but he didn’t know if it was a normal smile or a judging one. “So _I’m_ the therapist now? Shit, and here I thought I’d managed to get myself out of the family business. What’s going on?”

“I went to school today. Real school again.”

“You did?”

Blaine sucked his lower lip between his teeth and nodded. He forced his hands into his lap again, digging his knuckles deep into his thighs. “It really sucked.” he inhaled sharply in an attempt to force back the lump in his throat. The snort from the other side of the screen was met with a glare then. “It’s not like _that_ , Sebastian! Th-they all hate me, and someone broke J’s neck and there’s a _boy_ but he’s Rachel’s friends and she is just sucking! She is sucking so hard!”

God, this was the Sebastian he didn’t like. He was pretty much out of breath after his rant and there the other boy was, looking at him in that bored fashion with one eyebrow raised. “You suck too.” Blaine scoffed.

“Sure do, sunflower. Tell me about the boy.” That smirk was only growing.

Blaine pushed his balled-up fists down into his thighs again, dropping his eyes down from the screen. “He thinks I’m deaf.” the boy mumbled, not wanting to glance back at Sebastian. He just knew the other would be laughing at him.

“I’m sorry, he what? Oh, Blaine, you’ve definitely fucked that one up. Even I couldn’t fix that.”

“Oh, is that Blaine?!”

Shit. Shit shit shit. Was there a world record for the most times to say shit in a minute? Blaine sat bolt upright, grabbing a sweatshirt from the foot of his bed and immediately pulling it over his head. That could hide the hands, sure, but he seriously hadn’t planned for Dalton starting school a couple days later than McKinley. As his screen moved from Sebastian to the older blonde, he grimaced.

“Hi, Dr. Smythe.” Blaine said shyly, balling the excess fabric up in his hands.

“Now, honey, you know it’s Georgina by now. Look up, Blaine.” Blaine obeyed (and why did he do that? He wasn’t a dog.) and looked vacantly into the camera. “Just because I don’t help you with your behaviours any more doesn’t mean you’re not Seb’s friend, and any friend of my son calls me by my name.”

He nodded weakly, adjusting how he was sat so he could force his hands beneath his legs. “Well, I think my dads want me now so bye, Sebastian.” Blaine ended the call in a rush as he shut his laptop a little too forcefully. The boy rolled over again, tugging his pillows on top of his head and letting out a muffled scream of his sister’s name into the mattress. Even though he’d barely done a day at school, he was still exhausted as he kicked his legs into the covers beneath him.

“What did he say?”

Blaine stayed quiet, lips a little pursed as he listened for signs Rachel was coming farther into his room. He was torn between kicking her out and just letting her do whatever step this was of the master plan to solve his problem. The problem that wasn’t even a problem in this first place, until he went and blurted something stupid out.

“It wasn’t him, it was _her._ ”

He could hear Rachel sigh even from beneath two pillows and so braced for the shift in weight. As she perched on the corner of his mattress, Blaine lifted his head and turned it to the side, facing her with a reluctant huff. “I’m not a dog.” he spoke harshly when he felt her hand start to stroke along his arm. “You don’t need to pet me because I am not a dog.” He at least expected some backlash for his tone there, but Rachel backed down.

“…I’m sorry, Bee.” she sighed. “Sometimes, I forget. I don’t understand everything you do and it’s just hard having to be a big sister to you when I don’t know what to do about you. I know you can’t but I just wish you could tell me what you wanted. I wish I could understand.”

Blaine reached down and took the older girl’s hand, pressing their palms together loosely. “I don’t know what to do about you either, you’re as difficult to me as I am to you.”

Apparently the contact was the right thing to do, as Rachel’s face broke into a wide grin and she threw her arms around him, pulling him into a squeeze. It was…okay, it wasn’t the best, but this was probably one of those times where it was the thought that counted, and at least she’d made it a tight squeeze. 6/10 wasn’t that bad. “I love you sometimes.” he added quietly, face tucked into the slot under her chin.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that was ok, huh? i don't love the way i introduced seb's mum but it happened and i wanted to get this posted, so that means it's time for this time's edition of Evan's Autism Corner (bc it's a name now)  
> so what do i want to address in this chapter? first off: once again we saw blaine non-verbal and in the throes of a meltdown at the beginning but i believe i've addressed all of this before.
> 
> 2: the repetition of blaine insisting he's not a dog was deliberate due to the allusions to aba 'therapy' we see in this chapter. aba is abusive 'therapy' modelled off of conversion 'therapy' for gay people and dog training- only dog trainers stopped using the method because it was inhumane. unfortunately this is still in use today and many unsuspecting, otherwise caring parents can enroll their child in it without realising. in case the point didn't come across well: dr. smythe is sebastian's mother and blaine's former 'therapist'.
> 
> 3: the way blaine changed his behaviour completely when sebastian's mom joined the conversation is an attempt at masking, or hiding things that would show his autisticness (that's my new word). it's exhausting for autistics and we only really do it for NTs, it isn't beneficial to us.
> 
> as always, ask in the comments if i missed something. i have two questions lol: is the & tag for friendships and should i be using it? also, should this be tagged as angst?
> 
> ADDITIONAL THING: there's been a lot of cancelling in the glee fandom today and bc my dumb autie ass got bored, i went through that list of why darren is unproblematic and checked all the sources. spoiler alert: not very valid at all. i wrote up stuff so here's the link if you wanna read :) https://mega.nz/file/w88V3CzR#SGyIOO2tJVyvvsin8vIZ44XFcXkMhO3Yag6NkJx9DCE
> 
> if it asks for decryption key (it shouldn’t): SGyIOO2tJVyvvsin8vIZ44XFcXkMhO3Yag6NkJx9DCE
> 
> it is long btw!! but that's it, thank you for so many hits and supporting my little headcanon!!


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